currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
