I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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