shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize