Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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