smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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