anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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