She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
