I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
