Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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