I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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