you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
