Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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