This is not my ceiling
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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