um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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