We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
