The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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