last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize