I feel great
I just peed on a car
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
