Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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