So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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