it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
