How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Life is so much better after having sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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