I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
