I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
