i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
