Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
