Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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