You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
