wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
