Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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