Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
