today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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