you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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