I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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