I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
