She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
