come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
