oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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