glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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