another moral hangover. fuck.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
