Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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