So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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