oh fat girl friday strikes again...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
