Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
