Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
