he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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