apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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