so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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