wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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