Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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