So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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