Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
