we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
