I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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