well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
