i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
