I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
