Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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