I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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