11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He passed out mid-signature
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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