What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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