I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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