I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
