You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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