The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
