? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
