the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
