I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
