i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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