I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
