Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
