Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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