well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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