Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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