Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
