Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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