Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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