he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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