I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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