you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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