I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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