I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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