the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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