Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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