i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dont even know how to be here
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
